Adventures of an Ambivalent Gym Queen, Dispatch #111408

Gym Queen's Log, Workout Date 111408: There comes a time in every man's life--every man who's ever been to the gym--where the visual onslaught of male penises becomes too goddamn much. I reached that place today. I've heard the term "sausage fest" before, but today's barrage was enough to make me cry "Uncle!" No particular reason--just one member of fellow members too many, I guess--in the shower, in the locker room, the steam room, sauna, dangling here, there, and all over the damn place.

Thankfully, the pool provided temporary respite from the penis parade. My first time back since the shoulder stiffness, and a good time it was. I made a few laps without going into cardiac arrest, which I attribute to the invaluable breathing advice of my friend Mandee. Also helpful: a swimmer named Oksana, who put me to work doing legwork and monitored my breathing technique. Talk about the kindness of strangers! The pool was a little crowded, but I managed to hang in there for an impressive 30-something minutes--my current record--before making a beeline for the showers and shvitz. But don't call it a comeback--even though it is.