Adventures of an Ambivalent Gym Queen, Dispatch #102208

Gym Queen's Log, Workout Date 102408: I'm convinced the weather is to blame for the current aches and pains. Fakakta scapula--an album name if ever I heard one--seems to be gone for the most part, but the shoulders are still a cantankerous mess.

Made it through the 15-15 session with EM--arms still stationary--without the benefit of a towel to sweat on. The flub was mine: preemptive senility is the likely culprit. Either way, I ended up as sweaty as a whore--"ho sweat," I like to call it. My entire shirt was soaked--and though I'm aware that bigger things are taking place in the world, ho sweat is no joke.

A poor attempt to document my ho sweat.
The flash bulb freaked out the guy next to me,
so I had to show him the shot to allay his fear
of falling prey to gay voyeurs.
(Ceci n'est pas une poeme.)

I washed off the prostitution blues and hit the steam room on and off for an hour. It relaxed my mind, but the body was still displeased. I'm worried about Wednesday, as this man might be down for the week. Perhaps the shoulders will take less offense if I do the stationary cycle instead of EM. Here's hoping. Until then, it's all about the IcyHot Patch, the 'benzaprine, and the EMS-6500.

As a wise man named Dave Chappelle said in a movie called Half-Baked: "Gawd--if you listenin'--HELP!"