Closure, Fissure or Striptease?: The Two Coreys

The season finale of The Two Coreys ran like a long striptease. Every layer that was peeled away only revealed more layers than any interesting food for thought. Dr. Monti's individual sessions with Teams Haim and Feldman started off with promise. Having them watch the footage of their blowout in Maple Corey's driveway was supposed to alert them to their parts in the drama that played out.

Yet 'Merican Corey & Susie saw nothing wrong in their behavior. In fact, Susie announces, "Here comes the part where he calls my mother a crack whore." without noting how her own comment about his mother the enabler may have set the denigration into motion. She calls Maple on his behavior--which he totally deserved--but fails to give 'Merican & Wife the good talking-to this viewer felt they needed. The Feldman's good intentions were clear--but so was the toxicity of the attempts to enact them.

Canadian Corey gets into a car wreck after therapy and destroys the front entry of his victim's home. Nell, seeing the damage on her way to Haim's house, flips out and gives him a frantic talking to (as well as off-camera counseling to flush his drugs). Series director Mark S. Jacobs is also called in and pleas with his not-so-sober co-star to pull it together.

The run-in and ensuing conversations seemed to have helped, because a spooked Haim is shown the next day. (Haim has made arrangements with the owners of the home to pay for the repairs.) Half clear, half mired in denial ("I didn't hurt anyone. If anything, I only hurt myself."), he pledges to make amends/closure with Feldman. The talk between them is tense as Maple apologizes and 'Merican explains his frustration. Eager to blow past their blowout ("water under the bridge"), he tries to set up a meeting with his estranged bud, whose reluctance keeps him from agreeing to meet.

It is in this moment--where Haim's shoddy attempt to atone and Feldman's need to move on--that the show's center of male-male relationship issues comes full circle. Maple was alone with the debris of his own self-sabotage, and 'Merican was surrounded by his wife and seemingly supportive friends. Their respective--and collective--heartache was palpable. Haim was trying to fix things in his usual screwy way and Feldman seemed to have come to the realization that the friendship he'd been trying to recapture was gone. The only thing that could have made the moment any more dramatic was for the director to have them play Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter."

The rest of the episode was split between Haim waiting at the meeting point (which looked a lot like either Laurel Canyon Park or Runyon Canyon Park). As the time passes, Maple muses alone about the possible end of their friendship while 'Merican wavers back and forth between finality and forgiveness, thus reinforcing the striptease. An hour and fifteen minutes later, no Feldman--though he has apparently geared up and taken off in his car for...only Feldman and the show's producers know.

Will 'Merican show up and give them closure? Will they or won't they get back together? Will Feldman be able to move on professionally without the T2C brand? Will Haim pull it together and become a motivational speaker with a bestselling book? Will anybody still care by the time the third season rolls around? The answers to these questions and more shall remain elusive, which is why they call it entertainment--and why I call it a striptease.

Top 8 Songs: Week Ending August 16, 2008

1. "Strange Overtones," David Byrne and Brian Eno (from Everything That Happens Will Happen Today)
2. "The Upside," The Furious Seasons (from The Furious Seasons)
3. "Edith And The Kingpin (featuring Tina Turner)," Herbie Hancock (from River: The Joni Letters)
4. "O'Sailor," Fiona Apple (from Extraordinary Machine)
5. "Amelia (featuring Luciana Souza)," Herbie Hancock (from River: The Joni Letters)
6. "Here, My Dear," Marvin Gaye (from Here, My Dear)
7. "If You Want Me To Stay," Sly & The Family Stone (from Fresh)
8. "Walk On By," Issac Hayes (from Hot Buttered Soul: EP)

Up with Hope/Stop! In the Name of Drugs

M Is for Matricide: The Two Coreys

Mother's Day wasn't mentioned on this week's episode of The Two Coreys, but it may as well have been. T2C's mommy issues were the theme du jour and were touched on in the in-depth ways that only a 30-minute show could.

Haim's mother attends one of her son's therapy sessions and has a one-on-one with Dr. Monti. Her concern for his mental well-being is evident, as is her helplessness. And guilt; his mother is credited for getting him into acting. This explains why she blames his addiction, not on her son, but the doctors and sycophants that supply him. It also explains why she bears the brunt of her seemingly tripped out son's verbal abuse without complaint.

Judy Haim and son Corey

Even his assistant/surrogate mother Nell is driven to the breaking point--or rather, the point of brutal honesty. She lets him know how much of a mess he's been and wonders aloud what medicine/s might be to blame. Her attempts to force him to realize the extent of his substance abuse fall on deaf ears--which forces her to quit Team Haim.

Feldman's mother, on the other hand, is nowhere to be seen--except in her son's residual body issues. Mama Feldman was apparently a bit of a stage mother whose hands-on management verged on abuse. 'Merican Corey recounts his mother's weight-based taunting and portion control as his reason for wanting a tummy liposuction. Not having a six-pack has been a sore spot (ba-doom-boom-ska!) for him--especially in image-obsessed Los Angeles. The gender tables are turned as wife/mother Susie tells him that she supports whatever makes him feel better about himself. (Imagine what he'd be like if he had been pregnant!)

In the end, T2C get their mommy murder on via mutilation. 'Merican Corey gets his lipo (under general anesthesia), and Maple Corey gets a detailed tattoo (in what appears to be an altered state). The mothers may be out of the picture, but the bruising continues.

Top 8 Songs: Week Ending August 9, 2008

1. "Edith and the Kingpin (featuring Tina Turner)," Herbie Hancock (from River: The Joni Letters)
2. "Boys of Summer," Don Henley (from Building the Perfect Beast)
3. "If I Were A Bell," Amel Larrieux (from Lovely Standards)
4. "He Can Only Hold Her," Amy Winehouse (from Back to Black)
5. "49:00," Paul Westerberg (from 49:00)
6. "Overboard," Ingrid Michaelson (from Girls and Boys)
7. "Mary Jane," Alanis Morissette (from Jagged Little Pill)
8. "White Composition," Darker My Love (from 2)

First Anniversary of a Pain in the Neck

This time last year, I was in the intensive care unit of NYU's Hospital for Joint Diseases, recovering from a double anterior cervical discectomy (also known as spinal fusion). The surgery was mandatory; due to the damage done my spine by a collision with the owner of a white 2003 Mazda 6, I was in danger of paralysis. (See "Realignment.") More frightening than the surgery was the type of future awaiting me. I knew I would lose a significant range of motion but had no idea how much. I knew I would encounter physical limitations but had no idea what they would be.

A year later, I have a better range of motion than was expected. As for physical limitations, I can't jog (for stress on the spine), but I can power-walk, Rollerblade, and go cycling (which I have yet to do). I am not allowed to lift more than 30 pounds--which is maddening to King Independence--but understand the consequences, so I'm learning to delegate.

Then................................................Now

The ride has been a rough one, riddled with postsurgical depression, health care management, joblessness, lawsuit ajada (shame on you, 21st Century Insurance!), countersuit hijinks (shame on you, Dayne Tanioka!), and other "challenges." Rainy days can wreak havoc on my back, which in turn wreaks havoc on my spirits. The dents in my spine are permanent ones, and the nerve damage I sustained--while much better than paralysis--is permanent.

My consolation: I got to have the surgery with orthopedic surgeon--and unwitting hunk--extraordinaire Dr. John Bendo*. The surgery was a resounding success--I didn't end up paralyzed, I'm ambulatory, and my bones have healed. I went dancing for the first time since before the accident (11-6-06) with my buddy Kirk and tore that floor up!

Other good news: the suit's been settled, and I'm free to move on to the next phase of my life. What said phase entails is uncertain, but I know it involves words, mobility, and forward motion.


* Photo doesn't do him justice--at all. And no, his last name isn't a metaphor.

Word Nerd: Contango

I'll admit it: I don't get out much as I used to. Consequently, I'm not as hip with the lingo as perhaps should be. So when I heard the word, "contango" used during a newscast on Bloomberg Television, I dorked out.

And then I got Wiki with it. "Contango" is used in the futures market; it describes a situation where the predicted price exceeds the current price (otherwise known as the "spot price"). It's sort of like a certificate of deposit account. The amount you stand to gain when the term is over exceeds the amount you have at the time of deposit. Interestingly enough, the inverse effect is referred to as "backwardation"--or, as I'd like to call it "brokeassism."

Looks less magical than it sounds, I know.

It's a good thing I don't have a pet, else I'd name it Contango, poor thing. Those interested in more about the crazy little things called contango and backwardation should get clicky with it.